Someone who does, or someone who is?

Spoke to Shakira aunty recently. She says she still speaks to you, just the way she used. Earlier it was a phone call to you, now it is just a message she sends into space. It is the same thing I do. I talk to you, oftentimes inside my own head. When it gets too much I come here write a post.

Today i was thinking about my Intermediate education in Vizag. Do you remember I insisted I didnt want to stay at the hostel anymore, so you travelled up & down everyday from YLM to Vizag, rented a tiny one bedroom house & lived there. I was pretty self-centered those days. Never ever thought about how much trouble I am causing to you by forcing you to shuttle up & down everyday. It must have been a boring time for you. Just staying with me, just me studying or going to classes all the time...And then I got my first (& till now only) migraine attack. You came home after a long day at work to find me on the floor in pain. And you had to take me to a doc immediately. Am sure you were very stressed. I wish I could ask you how you managed. If you saw the whole time as a pain, or a different experience to enjoy.

And then I was wondering. How much of life is all about what we do. vs. just who we are, and how we live. I think it isn't ideal. All the hub-hub around what one does, how efficient, how successful.. End of day life is all about how one is, how one makes others around them feel - I think. You did so much in life Momsie. You took care of us, took care of your friends, took care of your students very closely... came to take care of Ridhaan when he was younger.... Even 2 months before you passed you went to Anantapur and tried to take care of your younger brother.

But you were also wonderful just to be with. Shabreen still says you gave her the best advice in her life. Your friends miss you because of who you were. I hope you knew that momsie.

Love,

me.