Hi Momsie

Hello Momsie,

Been a long time that I came here, but I have been thinking about you every single day. We went to India for 3 weeks.

Went home. Even the thought of going to a house without you there was extremely painful. But I did. I was hoping that I would help Dad with stuff, but I think I further overloaded him. He tried to be both Dad & mom. Kept asking me what I wanted to eat. Came sat with us every evening, instead of sitting in his usual place in the office. Asked me how things were going with me & Praveen. All stuff you would have asked. Was weird. And sweet I guess. but we both missed you so much. I taught the new cook how to make some decent rotis. Nowhere near how good your rotis were of course. Dad thinks of you at literally EVERY mealtime. misses your food, misses you I guess.

I went to Anantapur. That was even harder. To go to your roots, without you there. Everyone was sweet, they came to meet me the same way they all used to gather to meet you. Shazia even said it reminded her of how things felt when you used to visit. I was there for a day, I dont think I could have handled more time there. Spoke to chand mama. Asked him about you & your childhood. But he got too emotional to talk about it. I do not understand your relationship. I think your loss as well as the loss of Usman mama has weakened him.

I was also worried about Shakira aunty. She was too quiet, too lost in thoughts. She said she keeps thinking about you. I hope she learns to move forward, inspite of your loss. The way I am moving forward. You would be sad otherwise.

Also met Shahnaz & Anisa aunty. Anisa aunty is the only one who feels a bit like you to me.. maybe it is because of the sarees she wears. Maybe it is because she was your friend. Maybe it is because her life is similar to yours/ ours.

People say that in time I would stop thinking about your loss, and start to appreciate the time we did have together. I hope that happens soon. I hope to pray a lot more, and send my prayers to you.

I often wonder if we gave you happiness during your lifetime. I truly truly hope we did. I wish i had been more aware of the value of time with you. I hope to live my own life going forward a bit more meaningfully. So much i miss you momsie.. do you know that? I wish you know that. I miss the love I felt when you hugged me, or even when you smiled at me. I wish I could see you one more time. To tell you all this in person. And to re-assure you not to be afraid. we shall meet in Barzakh - God willing.