All the missed times

Today i was thinking... not about all the time I got to spend with you, but all the times that I have lost forever. Imagine me being in my fifties, you in your eighties... going out somewhere. I am 100% certain you would happily have come out and traveled with me, no matter the age, if only cancer had not stolen you away. And my heart fills with regret and sadness for the moments that will never be. It is true that I simply took you for granted Momsie. And I regret it so much.

Soon it will be time for your Barsi already. How time is flying... Sameera is getting married in September. I am not going to the wedding. I know you would have loved to go. really really been happy for her. Dad is going. The thought of going to a place where all your relatives will be there, but not you is very hard for me still. Even my trip to Anantapur, I felt so out of place. Was glad it was a short trip. Was also glad i got to meet Samreen. after decades. She told me about the letters you & Usman mama used to write to each other - how sweet they were :-) I hope she will share when she finds the time.

We also got a puppy. Ridhaan is extremely happy. Though I think the puppy only looks at Ridhaan as a junior play thing. It is a lot of work (as you had told me when we spoke). Also a lot of commitment. How to manage her when we travel? We do not know yet. Finding our way around. Keeps me distracted, keeps us busy. Praveen didnt want a dog at all. But he is truly stepping up. Taking her out for walks or keeping her busy when i need to go out etc. I literally could not have done this without him. Times like these are when I remember why I wanted to marry him in the first place.

Wish you were here Momsie. You would have been happy, and played so much with Nugget. I miss you. and I love you....