A broken connection

Dearest Momsie,

Do you know, every morning I wake up thinking about you?

I hadn't really realized the value of gifts from people - But now that silver plate with my name that you gave to me reminds me of you. I hesitate to use the packet of curry leaf powder you made for me, because I'm afraid it will run out, and one more piece of you will be lost forever. The T-shirts you bought that I didn't like... now I fear the day i'll have to throw them away. Dad still hasn't managed to empty your cupboard or give away your clothes.

Life without you feels like a broken connection. Moments when i want to phone & talk to you, but no connection.

Like Ridhaan's exams this week, you probably are wishing him luck from someplace - but the message doesn't reach...no connection.

Some weeks before you passed you asked me why i was fighting so hard for you, with you. You know, much of my life is because of you. Not only the example you set for me in life, or the effort you put in to raise me & educate me. It is also the network of people I have in my life. Uncles, aunties, friends of yours - who continue to reach out & check in on me. People with a shared memory of you, who extend their love to me. You are present not only in the little packet of elaichi & garam-masala you packed, or the sapphire ring you gave me, but the smile I carry, my voice when I sing and the ring of extended family who love me.

I am thankful to God you were my mother Momsie. You gave me so much more than you knew.

For now, i save my masala packets & remember you in the material things of life. I know you are sending me your love from beyond, and hope you can feel our love too. Until we connect again Momsie. I love you.