6 months.. and your loss remains as raw as ever

Momsie. I've been thinking about you ever so often.. almost every day, in the quiet moments.

I talk a little less about you... because talking about you is painful. How I miss you you will never know. I miss you when on weekends when I sit with my phone and want to call & talk. I miss you when I'm making the dosas you were so good at. I think about what strong roots you built at YLM... There are your sisters, who are like mothers to me. But no one would really understand me the way you would. I miss you so momsie. So so much. Dad thinks I dont think often about you. Younger people move on, he said. Because you have busy lives. It is only the old ones who remember :-| He couldnt be more wrong.

I dont call home often. I used to call you almost everyday. Calling Dad is hard. It reminds me that you arent there at home. We still have the whatsapp group called Shariff Family. It feels so empty without you.

Did you even realize the life force & positivity & joy you brought to the family? I think you didnt even know. Just felt normal for you. And now we see it, now that you arent here.

I was sent a reminder by google. This photo from May 2023. Before we knew the cancer was eating at you... I wish we had never got the radiation. I feel you would have stayed with us longer. Anyway, the photo is a silly one. I think you were putting oil in my hair or something... but it suddently brought back to me the feel of your hands, the way you hugged me, how you felt. I still remember it so much. Im afraid I will forget... after a few years. I wish I could capture the feeling in a little bottle & keep it with me momsie. Only two years to this photo, yet our world seems to be so broken.

Anyway, I do not write to remember the sad things about you. I write to tell you I miss you.. I hope you are at peace now, and without pain. Usman mama crossed over to the other side in May. Did you meet him already? It was very sudden. Shakira aunty is still recovering from the shock. I tell myself at least he didnt suffer. And maybe he had you & mamusab on the other side to help him when he reached. You remember how scared he was of death... at least it happened quick. that was a small mercy from God.

I will close now.. with 2 pictures from May 2023. Just know that you have impacted us greatly. We carry your love, your remembrance with us everyday. Every single day. I hope to live my life differently from now on... hope to make it meaningful and worthy to be remembered. The way yours was. I try to smile and bring joy to people around me the way you did. I fail often am afraid, but I try. I try to keep the legacy, and I shall try more. Small steps everyday.